Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
