oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
