I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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