She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
