We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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