are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
