Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
