hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
