You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
