just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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