Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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