I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I touched a dick in church today
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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