grandma shit on top of the toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
foreskin is a definite game changer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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