I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
