what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
