Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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