I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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