I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
