beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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