she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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