Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
