I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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