i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think i got beer on your cat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
