She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
