If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
