Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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