Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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