im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
