You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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