This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
