fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
