My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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