What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
