You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
