nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
