Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
