How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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