i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
