Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
