remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
