mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think my moral compass just broke
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
