i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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