it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
