you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
