The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
