the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
