A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
