life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
