so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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