my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
