I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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