I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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