I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
