I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
