i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
