I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it's like iHOP with fire
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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